Monday, June 25, 2012

Lesson's I STILL Need To Learn

   Hello friends well it's Monday again, damn it seems to come around so fast! It was a great weekend we went swimming its so hot here the water almost felt like bath water except those cold spots that normally you try to avoid but this time we were all looking for!
    The heat and swimming wore the poor kids out they came home and just vegged out a few played video games and the rest took naps! 
     I went over to my mother-in-laws to watch a marathon of  'The Good Witch' it's a continuing movie on the Hallmark channel, really good movies even despite that. 
    I'e been trying to stop smoking on my own and I think I'm doing really well still have over a half of pack from the pack I opened on Thursday-for me who smokes at least a pack a day that's pretty good, considering the shit I've been going through.
    Friday I have to take my ultrasound to the Doctors to see if maybe she can figure out what this lump is all about. I really hope I feel better by then.
     I seem to be getting a chest cold and I'm so tired all the time. I think it's mostly due from all the stress I was under and not getting enough rest, let alone eating right or taking care of myself.
    What I have discovered about going through all this hell is that the people I thought would rally around me didn't and the ones I never dreamed of did.
     And then there are the one you discover that had always pretended to be there but when push came to shove weren't-unless there was something in it for them.
    I figure it's better to know now who real and who are fake-so much easier to cut them out of your life like and ugly black cancer.
    No more will I let ANYONE steal my joy, my happiness let alone myself worth. How dumb was I to let that person for even one moment make me believe that I'm not good enough? 
    The sad thing is if I had heard anyone saying those things to someone else I would have been going off on them and yet when it came to defending myself I wasn't there for me, and this person she knows I have trouble sticking up for myself- that deep down I have never felt good enough. It's something I really need to work on.


   I know that if I don't believe in my own self worth that no one else will either. See I still have a lot of lessons to learn! Until we meet again.....









5 comments:

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else..keep feeling positive..I know it's hard, but don't allow someone else to have power over you.

FoxyMoron said...

And you are giving just by example Natalie. Seeing you go through this stuff and still picking yourself up is inspiring to me.
I just wish I could be more support to you right now but know I am thinking of you and wishing you the best.
I cannot believe you are trying to quit smoking through all of this, be gentle with yourself but still, AMAZING!

The Bipolar Diva said...

It's sad that the ones we think we can count on are the ones that ditch us in our hour of need. That happened with me when my grandson died and when my mom was killed. But then there are the surprises, the friends we never knew we had.

Intricate Knot said...

We all have a lot of lessons to learn in life. Sometimes I feel like I'm having to learn the same ones over and over!! However, I do believe that the fact that we're open to learning is HUGE. As you know, there's a lot of people out there who just think they know it all.

Kudos and a big YAY for you on the smoking thing! I stopped 2-years ago and though I still miss them (now and then!), I'm so glad that I did it for me.

I LOVE your line "No more will I let ANYONE steal my joy, my happiness let alone myself worth." You've turned around a situation that would have broken a lesser person. Natalie, you ROCK.

Susi aka Sinead said...

YAY for cutting down on smoking!!!
You have come a long way. So many people out there let other people steal their joy and energy. I'm one of them, I have to remind myself all the time.