Tuesday, October 23, 2012

    So years ago my mother didn't stand up for me when my ex husband wanted the boys, even though he only wanted them so he wouldn't have to pay child support. It was a disaster. The boys came back totally screwed up.
    It hurt so much when she didn't stand up for me then, now here we are with Veronica convincing Gloria that it would be better that she live with her than me. That she has more money and can do more for her than I can. And once again my mother is on her side, betraying me all over again.
   This summer has been so hard. I've had suicidal thoughts, feeling all alone in this. It's all been to much and my marriage couldn't handle it, so I lost that too.
   I lost both my daughters, my grandsons, my husband and really my mother too cause I just can't forgive her for doing this again to me.
    I feel like they've all died and I don't know how to get over this loss. Their lives go on without me, I doubt they even miss me. 
     I guess I'm just not much of a person. I'm easily to forget.  The pain in me just comes in these huge waves. My soul, my spirit cries out but no one hears it.








9 comments:

Katie Russell said...

I hear you. I'm sorry you feel alone, I'm here for you & love you.

Susanne Svalefelt said...

I hear your pain and I know there's nothing I can say that'll make you feel better. But please remember you have friends who love you even if some are far away. You will get through this. Don't give up. There are still people who care about you. I'm sorry I'm not around much these days, I have a lot of issues with work and stuff, but you're in my thoughts and prayers.

intricateknot said...

I hear you, Natalie. I know it's not the same as family and I know that we're hundreds of miles apart, but I hear you.

All the love, support, and loyalty you've given to your mom and husband is needed now for YOU to get through this pain. Take it back and fold all that love into yourself.

The betrayals that you have endured are unspeakable, but YOU are memorable. YOU are a wonderful, kind, and beautiful woman. This is truly is their loss. They may not see it now, but this is their loss.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers. xoxo

FoxyMoron said...

It's true, no words from me can really help, except that I have been where you are in a different way and I had to find a way to just get through it, the worst part is how people you love can be so cruel and hurtful and dismissive.
Keep blogging and talking about it if it helps, I'm here for you if you need me.

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

(((hugs)))Pat

JACKIESUE said...

you are not alone..ever..Im here..

Gone But Not Forgotten said...

I am here for you always friend e-mail me @ janicewallick@hotmail.com or my new blog is lovingtheday22.blogspot.com
PLEASE you are not alone ~Janice~

Devinmaxwell34 said...

I'm sorry you are feeling this way but I hope you are feeling better. I wish there was something we could all say to make it better, but like the others have said, you have a lot of people that care about you, I know that doesn't make up for the loss you have but we are all here for you. xoxo

Tamara said...

Hi. I don't know you...I just followed a link here from Anna at Universal Gibberish. The "Oh How I'd Miss You" blogfest is going on and she listed you as one of her favorite bloggers that she'd miss the most if you stopped blogging.

Again, I don't know you--but I read your post and I thought you might want to know that Anna was thinking of you today. I hope things get better. It sounds like you've had a really tough time.