Honestly I don't know why exactly I don't: there's probably many reasons, the guilt I was made to feel when he was diagnosed-back then it was always the mothers fault, or maybe when I felt the 'why my child?' feeling I was told how shitty it was to feel that way-of course by a woman who's child was normal, or maybe it's because I and I alone have had to fight for every single right my son had in a small town and it just became easier not to talk about then to let all the hurt and anger out.
I'm not really sure of the reasons. I know now twenty years later that it's a hell of a lot easier to get help.
Even with the help and that the world understands more about it having an Autistic child isn't easy, and sometimes you feel so all alone.
One out of ninety eight children are born with it.
That's high, in Indiana there are over 10,000 people with Autism, 10,000! That's so many and still you feel all alone.
My son is beautiful, no that's not just me saying so everyone says it. Yet most of the time my 24 year old son acts ten, or younger. Though very smart, he learns in a different way, one subject at a time.
Jon draws these beautiful pictures, and these comics that I have no idea where he gets the idea's from.
In the the six months he has also been showing signs of physiological problems. Hearing voices, in this never never world, mood swings etc. And it's so hard to get him help since he doesn't do will with strangers on his good days let alone his bad days.
There are no more places where you can take them to stay over night to be evaluated, unless I have him arrested before hand. How crazy is that? My oldest thinks I should do it-yes he has attacked me a couple of times.
I can't do it. I can't let him be that scared and not understanding whats going on, but I also know I need to do something. Why does everything always have to be so fucking hard?
Have I mentioned how horrible these last two years have been? And that honest to god I sometimes wonder if I can do this any longer.
Sorry this isn't suppose to be about me. For Autism awareness month Chamilia's has
made a beautiful charm to raise money for the cause.
This is not a good picture of it, you can go to:
http://www.chamilia.com/Autism-Puzzle-Piece-p1140216.html
But if that's to much money you can order t-shirts and alot of other things here:
And if nothing else there's walks to raise money.
You can go here to learn more about Autism:
http://www.autismlearningfelt.com/
<a href="http://www.autismlearningfelt.com" target="_blank"><img alt="AutismLearningFelt" src="http://i603.photobucket.com/albums/tt112/LearningFelt/autismlearning.jpg"/></a>
You could put the button above on your blog for the month of April to show your support.
My son Jon, I love him, I don't know how to explain how you feel when your child is different, it doesn't make you love them differently more protectively maybe.
