Sunday's Funny's

   Hello friends, I hope you had a peaceful weekend--I love peaceful, no kids fighting or going bonkers! I hope the these jokes make you smile!

 

 Shirley & Marcy 

A mother was concerned about her kindergarten

son, Timmy, walking to school.He didn't want his mother to walk with him.She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.

So she had an idea of how to handle it. 

She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her. 

   The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed. 

The next school day, the neighbour and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbour girl he knew. 

She did this for the whole week. 

As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. 

Finally she said to Timmy,

'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?' 

Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.' 

The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?' 

'That's just Shirley Goodnest ,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy ...' 

'Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us? 

'Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us? 

'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. 

And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest (surely goodness) and Marcy (mercy) shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!' 

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace. 

May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always!

You're a Statue

A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubbie comes home. The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.

'Don't move! You're a statue!'

The husband comes up to the bedroom and inquires about the new decoration. The wife explains that the Smith family next door acquired a statue for their bedroom recently, and if they could get one, so could she.

The married couple go to bed, but at midnight the husband goes downstairs, gets a glass of milk and some cookies, and comes back upstairs. He hands the snack to the statue and says, "Here. I stood around for 3 days at the Smiths', and they never fed me a thing!"

    Last Fling

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few beers they end up at the local brothel.
    The madam takes one look at the two old geezers (Art and Gary) and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."
    The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says "you know, I think my girl was dead!"
"Dead? says his friend, "why would you say that?"
"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the whole time I was loving her!"
   His friend says "I think mine was a witch!"
"A witch?" says the first" "why the hell would say that?"
"Well " the first man replies "I was making love to her, kissing her neck and when I gave her a little bite on the neck, she farted and flew out the window!"

  

   Have a great weekend! Until we meet again...