Saturday, June 30, 2012

I think I'm Sick

     Hello friends, it's the middle of the night I can't sleep, I'm not sure but I think I'm having a panic attack. I'm all jettery and nervous feeling and honestly scared to even write these feelings down for fear they'll be used against me.
    No I'm not paranoid! But I have been having a family member  threaten me if I don't do things their way. I refuse to buckle down to them but I guess what I say and how my insides feel aren't on the same page.
    I'm not even worried about the threat their making, I think it's more hurt and disappointment and knowing that things will never be the same way between us again. Does that make sense?
    I know it'll hurt me to cut them out for good but I can't live with knowing they could do this again.
     I also think maybe I'm feeling this way because the one person in the whole world who should stand beside you through everything (no not my husband-I know he has my back) and always defend you against anyone isn't.
    And that is something I don't understand, I can't get it to comprehend in my mind. Because I would/will protect my children til death. Even if I think their wrong personally publicly I would defend them. They are my baby's. Mine.
    Of course I could be feeling this way from the cold medicine I've been taking for this chest/sinus cold!
    It's going to be another hot and horrible day outside again, and I have to take Brock to an appointment forty minuets away-with no air in the truck.
    OK I'm back it now six pm and hotter than hell outside! Only a hundred and one with the heat index of hundred and six, we have a whooping twenty percent chance of rain tonight!
      He can have it back! So tired of this heat and having to water my plants, my water bill is going to be baaaad!
     I swear I am not going out tomorrow! Had to today hell even Wal-Mart was hot! But tomorrow I'm going to stay inside and catch up on my work, though it's only suppose to be 98F tomorrow so cooler. Seriously.
    Can someone explain to me how my Teddy had no fleas when he went to the vets and they charged me sixty dollars for a flea treatment and now he has flea's? Really!
     I hope all of you are staying cool and taking proper care of your outside pets. Until we meet again....

      Yep and I'll be one of them if I make it that long and my kids don't kill me first!


Intricate Knot said...

Natalie, I really hope the jitters you were feeling were due to the cold medicine. I know that stuff does that to me, too. Although, I wouldn't blame you for having a panic attack. (((hugs)))

That vet sounds screwy to me! No pain meds and the flea treatment included giving fleas to poor Teddy!

Really hope Satan gets his weather back. Don't know why we'd want to keep it!

Janice's footsteps said...

The panic attacks can be brought on from the medicine but it sounds like the crap that is being mind played with you can be a HUGE factor in the sleep thing I hope you know that no matter what you are a beautiful loved person and if you have to cut people loose so be it, don't bow down when we do that we loose out on US and no one deserves that, we are all we have so we must take care of us!!! Does that make sense? Stand true for You! Wishing for a pleasantly cooler day for you tomorrow :)) Feel better :))

Shannyn SimplyShan said...

While it's difficult and flat out sucks to cut "important" people out of our lives, if it must be done, it must be done. YOU and YOUR family will be better for it, if it's what needs to happen.

I wanted you to see my recent post regarding making money online, you commented on the first one, so I wanted to be sure you saw these too.

If you want more, let me know. I'll get them together in an e-mail.

hugs, peace & ♥

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! You've had a lot of stuff going on, now this heat, and in addition you're sounds like a panic attack is a normal response to all that?
I hope tomorrow will be better. Take time to rest.