Sunday, September 2, 2012

Sunday's Funny's

     Hello friends, long time no hear huh? Sorry about that but family  drama has been taking a lot out of me and I haven't had the energy to write. 
     I hope this Sunday finds you happy and healthy, it's raining here, yay! We need it. Enough about me here's your Sunday Funny's.


Things I Learned From My Children
01.  A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.  foot house 4 inches deep.
02.  If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
03.  A 3-year-olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
04.  If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape.  It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
05.  You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.  When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.  A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
06.  The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
07.  When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
08.  Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
09.  A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.  Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
11.  Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12.  Super glue is forever.
13.  No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.  Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.  VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.  Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.  Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.  You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19.  Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.  The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.  The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.  It will however make cats dizzy.
23.  Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.  The mind of a six-year-old is wonderful.

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What Mom Really Wants
Top 10 List of what Moms REALLY want...*
10.  To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any "floaties" (ie, backwash)
9.  To have my 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?" way.
8.  Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty.
7.  A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hi Ya Mom!"  just as I put a razor to my ankle.
6.  A full time cleaning person - period!
5.  For my teenager to announce "Hey, Mom!  I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"
4.  A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.
3.  To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.
2.  To be able to step on a plane with my toddlers and NOT have someone moan, "Oh no!  Why me...!"
And the #1 thing that moms REALLY want is.....
Four words: Fisher Price Play Prison

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5 comments:

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

those made me laugh..hope things are going better in your world.

Intricate Knot said...

Hahaha!! LOVE them all!! Have I mentioned lately how fabulous you are, Natalie? Well, you ARE. Thanks so much for the pick-me-ups! xoxo

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Anna Smith said...

Haha brilliant! I can believe no 3, but those poor worms! Hope you're keeping well hun :)

Devinmaxwell34 said...

This was absolutely awesome! i was cracking up all the way through! Things for me to look forward too! hehe!! Love it Natalie!