Monday, January 9, 2012

Bridget: What I know for sure,

    I know some day my daughter's and son's,even my grand children will read all of these post and I want to leave behind some of me. The real me and who I am deep inside. I'm also hoping by reading the words and not just hearing my voice the words will sink in.
     So in a way this is my love letter to them and anyone else who never had someone to tell them all the truths (at least the truths as I see them). I guess you could say this is Bridget's Love Letter's.
     First, and this has been weighting on my heart for some time, is when adults tell you high school was the best time of their lives, they lie. Not on purpose mind you, humans have this tendency  to forget the bad and only remember the good. When they tell you this it's because it was probably the last time in their lives when they didn't have to worry about bills and all the heaviness that being a grown up can bring. It's when all they thought about was themselves, like all teenagers do.
     High school is hard. This is when you are learning about yourself, trying to figure out what you believe in and everything and everyone wants you to be something else, and on top of all that you got hormones running ramped, sexual feelings trying to take over your life, you want more control over your life and you think that means more freedom, trying to decide what you want to do with your life and on top of all that teenagers are down right mean to each.
      I wish I could show you your future, cause see that girl over there? The one who gets all the attention? That looks like nothing ever goes wrong for her, you know the one with the perfect clothes, hair, teeth, body?  She's always smiling and laughing? Do you see the girl that fades into the crowd? Sits in the back of the room and never says a word. Do you see the girl with the black hair, dark make-up, piercing every where? Or what about the girl everyone calls a slut? What about when you look in the mirror?
      You think you have nothing in common with these girls. Your wrong. The girl who looks perfect every day? She gets up early everyday and try's on ten different outfits, maybe she starves herself, maybe her parents call her names and verbally abuses her and she has no control in her life but at school and inside she feels worthless, and the girl who fades into the back ground? She feels, unloved, unworthy, like she doesn't mater and that no one would even notice if she disappeared. And the girl in the black? She just wants to be accepted. Oh and lets not forget about the slut, if in fact she really is one and it's not boys lying and spreading rumors so that they look good to their friends, but even if she has slept around the two biggest reasons for that is one she's been sexually abused, or two she is so desperate to be loved and to feel loved she thinks this will bring her love.
   What you don't realize is that everyone feels this way in school, no one has it all together,even if they say they do. And that's OK. Your not suppose to. If I tell you what you want at sixteen, is not what your going to want eighteen nor what you wanted then will be what you'll want at twenty-five. Stop freaking out, this is the way it's suppose to be and will be for the rest of your life. The hardest thing I ever had to convince my oldest daughter of was that life is not a straight road. It's going to curve and dip, you'll run into dead ends. Believe it or not, these things are suppose to happen, it's how we grow and learn.
     Ok so that this won't take two hours for you to read, let me go through Bridget's Rules for Life (or in your case Mom's)
  1. Don't judge others for their looks, religion, sexual preference, nationality. If you must judge someone, judge them for the way they treat you, always and if they treat you badly then cut them out of your life. Respect yourself, and others will to. Never allow any one to make you feel that you are not worthy.
   2. When people are mean and ugly to you, try to have compassion, hurting people hurt others. That is not to say you should take it. Walk away.
   3. Never do anything that you don't want your mom or someone else to find out. Because I will, they will. And if your embarrassed for others to know then that is your conscience telling you 'NO!'
4. Stand proud of your beliefs, don't let anyone say what you believe is wrong, not even me. When you are wrong admit it, and say your sorry.
5. Do not be closed minded, closed minded people stop learning.
6. Other people have the right to believe in and what they want too. No one knows the answers to everything.
7. Never hurt anyone on purpose, ask forgiveness if you do.
8. Never stop learning, try to learn something new every day.
9. Be humble, again that doesn't mean let anyone walk all over you.
10. Show mercy.
11. Be thankful
12. When you get to a place where you can, help others. Help lift someone up.
13. Words, words are easy, anyone can say anything, but the truth is in our actions.
14. If you can't say anything nice, keep your mouth shut, unless your opinion is asked for and even then try to be nice about it.
15. It is never wrong to lift peoples spirits up and let them know they are beautiful, sweet, smart etc. Even if they turn on you, your actions where right and deep down they where touched.
    In the end kindness is always the answer. When people shit on you, it's better to know that you did all you could to be good, and the rest is their problem. Take shit from no one, you are worthy to be treated well, you are loved,you are wanted and your momma loves you. Knowing these things should make it easier to accept others.



I grew up in the 50's and 60's and maybe it was just me or ?? the times but I didn't see any bullies, or the popular girls snobbing the unpopular girls..lucky I guess.

FoxyMoron said...

I grew up in the 70s and honestly I don't remember too much bullying, and I've asked my old school mates and they agree. I really think it's a sign of the times. I truly enjoyed my high school years.
Lots of good advice there Nat!

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

I agree with Jackie and Foxy.
I went to school in the forties and fifties and I did not see or encounter a bully. :0) Amen!
So much anger over a bad homelife or other real or imagined issues now. Not that I had a perfect homelife. There just wasn't all that media bombarding us and we grew stronger using our brains instead of name calling and using our fists.
I for one...are glad that the schools are cracking down on bullying. Tomorrow at my grandsons Middle School a father that lost his thirteen year old son to suicide will be the main speaker.
Logan knows where his mother and I stand on this issue.
Zero Tolerance.
You wrote a wonderful piece Bridget.