Sunday, February 5, 2012

Bridget's Make You Laugh Day!

       Hello friends! I hope your ready for some Sunday Funny's! I really hope this makes you smile! If I'm really lucky you'll laugh till you pee your pants!


Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
 
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
When I want with my old buddies, and don't you
Give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not!
******************************************************
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
And were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
To wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
Of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
Was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
Noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contest!

************************************************************
 
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
Wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
Shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'
********************************************************
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
Good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
Decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.'
'In bed this early, doing what?'
'Getting a second opinion!'
********************************************************
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
That reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'
'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
That reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'
*******************************************************
         This is why men should never write advice columns!!!
      
 Dear Walter,
    I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
     When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.
       I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make-up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
      He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
       Can you please help?
       Sincerely,
       Sheila


  Reply

  Dear Sheila:
       A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.
Walter











 

2 comments:

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I loved that last one.

Chrislyn said...

OMG--That last one was hilarious! Thank you for the laughs--

Chrislyn